Session 0 - They Meat
Jul 11, 2024In the City of Splendors, some considered Waterdeep hot dogs the most splendid of the all its splendors. That’s why Steve Schelinski felt five feet tall when he heard the news: he had been picked by his firm to work for the Weenie Wizards. Finally, his break into hardcore accounting had arrived. No longer would he handle the books for small businesses or wealthy wizards. He was in the weenie business now, and people everywhere would respect him.
Then the fire happened, and everyone died. Steve thought that was it; he should join the gnome circus instead. But damnit, he had a fiduciary duty to the survivors to recover any assets they still had. He put out the word that any surviving members should meet him at the Yawning Portal. Steve arrived early to see who would come.
Right now, there was only a single Weenie Wizard. Judging from his outfit, he seemed a sailor of some sort. Steve had never seen any nautical-related line items on the books, and if he didn’t know any better, he might think this man just picked up the Weenie Sigil off the ground and was pretending to be one. Steve chastised himself; the man was mourning. Now was not the time to accuse him of such debauchery.
Steve spotted another wizard, called Sploosh, if his memory was correct. Sploosh, despite being in a tavern with live music already playing, decided to start performing “Sweet Caroline.” Steve thought Sploosh must be filled with grief over his dead guild members as he poured his entire soul into the rendition. The entire tavern stopped talking to listen. Sploosh splashed into the chorus with deft skill, the whole bar joining in. As the sea of voices echoed with “So good, so good,” tears of sadness and joy streamed down everyone’s faces. Sploosh was still playing when Steve saw Jesus Chroist walk in.
Jesus Chroist, formerly a Frankfort Fellow, worked nights in shipping and receiving. Nice guy, though always trying to “heal” and get them to follow his god, also known as Jesus Chroist. Seemed like a perfectly fine god despite all those murders in his name a thousand years ago. Chroist leaned in for a hug from Sploosh.
It was hard to miss Dave the Barberarian walking into the tavern. Dave seemed to be a regular at the bar and in moderately good spirits despite his father having just died in a grease fire. Dave was a “legacy” guild member, his father having held a high rank in the Bun Barons before guild formation. Despite his size, Dave was quite nimble with his two axes, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sandra Day O’Conder. He often cut people’s hair with them for a small fee.
Dave requested “Don’t Ye Stop Believin’,” and Sploosh obliged. While technically good, you could tell Sploosh didn’t put his soul into this one. Most people went back to their drinks. Jesus got up and did a fairly good dance that looked like an artificer’s machine but began crying during it.
Steve approached the group and informed them of the news. They were the only ones left from the fire. All their guild assets had been burned; all that was left were five hot dog carts and the experimental frozen water cart. Dave seemed particularly broken up about the fire, having just realized his father perished in it. Steve informed them that he was paid out until the end of the month and would continue to help them until then.
Steve was feeling good about himself, successfully transferring the assets of the guild to these four individuals. That was until Sploosh groped him. He could only assume Sploosh was so overcome with grief he didn’t know how to compose himself. With that, Steve felt it was his time to leave. Before leaving, Jesus pulled him aside to talk about a business opportunity in textiles. Being a finance guy, Steve got pitched dozens of ideas a week, but something about the way Jesus spoke to him made him believe in his idea. Steve gave him his card.
While walking out, there seemed to be some commotion in the tavern. It sounded like something for someone else to take care of.